The latest instance of Marvel Studios wringing out every last drop of ink they can is “Captain Marvel.” Never heard of her? That’s because this is the character’s first appearance in a major film. Plundering the vault for lesser-known creations has paid off for the Disney-owned company so far:“Black Panther” made over $1 billion and scored a Best Picture nomination.

“Captain Marvel,” on the other hand, made an Oscar winner best known for playing a captive mother take on a role she is 100 percent wrong for while attempting to sell Jude Law to us as an action star like he’s a Louis Vuitton bag on Canal Street.

The plot is a vocabulary lesson from hell. Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) starts off as Vers, a member of an alien race called the Kree, who fights alongside her buddy, Yon-Rogg (Law), in the elite Starforce. She has the ability to shoot powerful energy beams out of her hands, but Yon is teaching her how to restrain it. Typical man!

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